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fifth translation // voice

[The journal starts recording, and Uhura is singing again. But this time, it's not an accident.

Some Luceti residents may vaguely recognize the style she's affecting.]

Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday Captain Kirk,
happy birthday to you.

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[ KHA-wait-NEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY. He's not angry, more like OH GOD WHAT. ]

Did you have to broadcast it all over the damn journals?

I'm sorry Sir, did you want that information kept private? It's right there in your personnel file, after all...

[This is her best "I'm so innocent!" voice, Captain.]

[ Grooooaaan. ]

Do you want me to go around saying your birthday?

[WHAT IS THAT FACE, CAPTAIN? WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SMILE?]

If it would make you happy, you're welcome to.

[ NO. IT'S JUST HARM MY DIGNITY. ]

Which is code for "if you can find it."

[WHAT DIGNITY?]

None of the information you've been trying to get out of me the past few years is difficult to find.

[ THAT THING IN MY PANTS--oh, wait... ]

I didn't have access to those back then.

[ONE-TRACK MIND.]

Since when has access ever stopped you?

[ DUR. ]

Probably the firewalls.

Mister Rebel Genius, stopped by a little thing like a firewall?

More like I had better things to do then fight with a firewall. The Kobayashi Maru was top priority.

I never thought in a million years I'd be serving under a guy who cheated.

It was original thinking.

Is that what they're calling it these days?

You're just lucky that original thinking saved all our bacon.

I think it's more that you're lucky. Just imagine if Bones never snuck me on the Enterprise to begin with.

We all got pretty lucky.

I mean, what if I hadn't been assigned to the Enterprise?

[She doesn't think about that every single day, oh no...]

Well, from what the grapvine says, you man handled Spock into it.

What.

Okay, rather that you put Spock in his place to get you onboard the Enterprise. Not that I'm complaining or going to say anything about it.

Mistakes happen. I brought it to his attention and he corrected it.

And by 'brought it to his attention' you mean...

Sorry, Captain. All I did was point out the error in his logic. Nothing you would find interesting at all.

Ah ha! Happy birthday, Captain.

I'm sure he'll be thankful for the well-wishes, once he gets over the embarrassment.

[No words, just some very amused--but muted--snickering.]

It's not... too much, is it?

Just the right amount of much, I think. After all, how else is a bed-banished girl gonna get her entertainment?

How indeed? I'll be sure to let the Captain know that you approve.

And get me in trouble? [She laughs.]

You, in trouble with the captain? Try again.

Well, let's just say I don't want him to come to the realization that I'm at his mischievous mercy any more quickly.

Okay, I guess that makes sense. Acceptable.

[Laughter.] Just wait. Tomorrow I'll wake up with some kind of joke message painted on my head in eyeliner. My own eyeliner.

But think of all the ways you could go about exacting your vengeance!

Wow. [Buffy has to muffle another laugh.] Talk about some kind of warped deja-vu. With an attitude like that, you probably would have gotten along with someone I...knew.

It's really only the attitude I have towards Kirk. I didn't used to like him much. Now that I do, I still enjoy picking on him.

Picking on your captain? Your crazy spaceship sounds more and more...crazy every day.

Starships are crazy places. You live with these people for years at a time. So they're as much a family after a while as they are colleagues.

Anyway, when we're on duty, he's my captain, I respect him and I'm happy to follow his orders. When we're off-duty, I have no problem reminding him what a cocky bastard he is. I knew him before he was my captain, after all.

[Another amused laugh. Especially at the cocky bastard part.]

You knew him...before?

Sure. Same class at the Academy.

He spent about three years trying to get into my pants. I'm afraid I didn't have a high opinion of him.

[Which...seems to put her in an odd position, Buffy supposes. But she does her best to laugh it off.]

And here's me, going ga-ga over the one you rejected. Maybe you think I'm just as crazy for that, as I think of you for going up in the stars.

Well, for one thing, he's matured a lot since I first met him. And even if I still thought he was an annoying jerk... okay, he's still annoying sometimes but you know what I mean... [Laugh!] I wouldn't think you're crazy. He's got lots of good qualities. He's just not my type.

He's...not my normal type, either. [She laughs.] But I mean that in the goodest of ways.

If it works for you, that's great. You're definitely one of the more normal couples I've run into.

I'll have to tell him happy birthday if I see him!

I'm sure he'll love that.

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fifth translation // voice

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[voice] (I LOL'd)

[voice] (you so know she did.)

[voice] (Spock is whipped.)

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